Resources for having "The Talk" with your daughter

These are the books I used when having the talk with my two older daughters. For more detail on the “how-to”, check out Tips for having “the Talk” with your daughter.

Beyond the Birds and the Bees: Raising Sexually Whole and Holy Kids I bought this years ago because I wasn’t really sure about when and how to introduce the topic. What it is: A handy resource. It has a helpful guide about the ages and stages of developing sexuality, and how to create a home culture that is authentically Catholic in its sexuality. It encourages honesty and age-appropriate responses, which I whole-heartedly agree with. What it isn’t: A script.  It does give helpful suggestions for “the talk,” but the books below give more detailed wording as to exactly how to say things. Age range: Written for parents of kids of all ages.  

Wonderfully Made! Babies: A Catholic Perspective on How and Why God Makes Babies This was recommended by a handful of people, and after reading it, I can totally see why.  It begins with the nature of God (is love, has an intellect and free will) which, when I started to think about it, made complete sense.  Of course the nature of God plays into our humanity (and therefore our sexuality), since we’re created in His image. This book became one of the two books I read with my daughter, and is the “spine” of our sexuality “curriculum.” What it is: A picture book with rich language and deep theological ideas. It goes into the details of how a baby is made, the male and female roles involved, and God’s role in creation. Very well done.  What it isn’t: It’s not a science book, so the images related to anatomy are small and rather simplistic. I supplemented with the books below. Age range: 9 and up, and definitely not too simplistic for most of the middle school crowd.

The Joyful Mysteries of Life I stumbled upon this little gem in an online discussion thread.  What it is: A chapter book for Catholic parents to share with their kids. It’s written to the child, so it could be read independently, but I imagine it’s more fruitful if you read it together. It does a nice job of connecting the spiritual with the physical.  It does describe the process by which conception occurs, but there are no awkward illustrations of the process. What it isn’t: a science book.  You may want to have one on hand, or at least a printout of the reproductive systems. Age range: As with everything in this topic, that depends on your child and your family. Age range: I think it’s best for ages 10 and up.

The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls, Revised Edition I wasn’t going to use this book because I figured I’d go with all Catholic resources, but it turns out this book was another great find. One thing I picked up from an Amazon review was to avoid the Q & A pages called “Body Talk.”  There isn’t anything objectionable per se, but the questions *might* introduce anxiety or worries where none are needed. For example: “I hate my freckles and wish I could get rid of them forever” and so on. I’d rather my very confident and self-assured (and freckled) daughter wasn’t introduced to the idea that some people hate their freckles (or any part of their bodies) just yet. But that really is my only objection and it’s easily handled.  I skimmed this book with my daughter and let her keep it to read later, but asked her to avoid the Body Talk pages. What it is:  It’s a how-to-care-for-your-body book, written directly to a younger girl. It discusses hygiene, what to expect from puberty, etc.  There is no mention of sex in this book. My daughter really likes the format and loves American Girls, so it’s a hit here. If you have pubescent boys in the house, just a heads up that there are simple illustrations of developing breasts. What it isn’t: Again, not science.  Drawings regarding the reproductive system (of girls, there is no mention of boys for obvious reasons) are simplistic and small.  Age range: 8-11. There is a book for older girls, but have heard rumors that it contains material that is contrary to our faith so we just stuck with the younger girl version.

Good Pictures, Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids This isn’t a “birds and bees” book, but I’m including it here because unfortunately we have to protect our kids from the debilitating effects of pornography and that won’t be done by hiding our heads in the sand.  It’s not explicitly Catholic or even Christian, and would be good for any parents wanting to help their kids avoid the minefield of digital pornography. We’ve had the very sad and frustrating experience of one of our kids already being exposed to pornography via a completely innocent online search. This book is a really valuable (and unique) tool for parents who are facing this relatively new dilemma. What it is: A picture book with short chapters. It’s written as a conversation between a boy and his mom (and later Dad joins in, too). There isn’t anything graphic in the book, and the written descriptions of what pornography is are very tastefully done. It shows what happens to the brain when pornography is viewed, and in the end, it gives a plan for what to do if you encounter it online. The thing I like about it best is that it makes the parent the expert, which takes away the need for secrecy and shame when these types of things come up. What it isn’t: Safe search software, which I foresee having to install as my kids get older and have more need of the computer. Age range: I believe it’s written for ages 8-11, but could easily be used for those a bit younger or older. (Edit: there is now a version for younger kids.)

The Wonder of Me | Fertility Appreciation for Adolescents and Parents This and the book below are written by the same author (an MD) and have a lot of overlap.  (These are the only books I’m reviewing today not available on Amazon. They’re both available from Family Honor.) What it is: A science book about the nature of male and female fertility from a Catholic perspective (and as we all know, there is no conflict between science and Catholicism). This book also includes discussions on the gift of fertility.  Discussions about the emotional nature of human sexuality are woven in.  This is detailed enough to use as a family “text book” for a Natural Family Planning class for adolescents.  It really has a whole bunch of detail, including reading the signs of fertility (from mucus to moods) and how bodies develop during adolescence. It contains quite a few illustrations and diagrams (all black and white, hand-drawn) and is 48 pages long. I used a couple of illustrations in my discussion with my daughter. What it isn’t: Basic.  Ha. This book is way too detailed for my daughter.  But I’m keeping it around because I fully plan to use it when she is older and ready to begin charting, etc. Age range: The title says adolescents, and I’d have to agree.  Probably age 13 and up, depending on maturity (physical and emotional)

Our Power to Love | God’s Gift of Our Sexuality This book is the older teen version of The Wonder of Me (above).  See that review as well. What it is: Again, see above. It’s a science-based book from a Catholic perspective.  It covers the nature and the gift of male and female fertility, the reproductive processes, and in contrast to The Wonder of Me, also includes a section on “Who We Are as Persons.” This additional segment covers big theological questions like Who am I?, What is love?, The Power and Responsibility of Love, etc. It has black and white, hand-drawn illustrations and is 103 pages long. What it isn’t: Again, not basic.  This could also suffice for a parent-led introduction to NFP for teens. Age range: High school age teens and above.

Don’t forget to check out my other post on “the Talk” for tips on how to have a great first discussion with your daughter.

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This content was originally posted in two separate posts on my old blog, California to Korea, in early 2016.