Exiting Social Media

Last week I held one of my teenage daughters as she wept in my arms. Her pain is born from a loss a friend who will soon be moving far away, a grief I know well but one that I nevertheless hate that she has to face.

In that moment, something in me shifted. I felt the holiness, the rightness of my hands as they brushed her hair back from her forehead, I felt the cleansing sting of salty tears as I wept with her. I felt real and present with her in a way I haven’t been able to be for a long time.

And in that moment, all desire to be present to the outside world via social media came to a screeching halt.

I know all the arguments for staying (don’t abandon it to the secular world! don’t hide yourself in an echo chamber!) just as I am aware of the very real and persistent struggles for conservatives on social media. But none of that matters because in that holy, gut-wrenching moment with my daughter, God revealed to me something He has been trying to tell me all along:

That the loving care of my family is holy and sacred work, and that I will have to answer for the care I took of these souls above any other. Not only that, but this is virtually ALL I will have to answer for: whether I lived out my vocation to my greatest ability.

In other words: when it comes time to stand before the Lord in judgment, how will I explain to Him that I was so busy evangelizing the world (read: pridefully writing for followers) that I wasn't able to attentively love, serve, and care for my own husband and children?

Oof.

I feel like I could write a novel on this. Certainly I have considered leaving many, many times over the years. But the difference this time is the clarity with which God allowed me to see this: it’s what God is calling me to do NOW. Not out of fear, although I am watchful of the culture that is intent upon secularizing my children. Not out of hate, even of those who hate me and my faith. Not out of anything other than a fiery, burning love.

Oh, but His love burns in my soul. And the burning is so beautiful and so holy and there is only one message in the flames.

Come home.

Home to the peace I find in His gentle embrace. Home to my husband and my children. Home to the beauty of simply serving those in front of me.

For many years I have prevaricated and perseverated and wondered at the idea of letting it all go. All the social media and its related pressures and stresses. I’ve made excuses and procrastinated. But this time He made it very clear that my obedience now, without understanding why, is all that is required. Perhaps at some time, He will call me back to speak His word on social media. I feel fairly certain He will allow me to check in here from time to time, as my vocation allows. (Sign up below for updates because I honestly can't tell you how often it will be.)

But for now, I am home, in a home filled with work and love and laughter and fighting, virtues and vices, all that is good, and all that I must work on making good.

I am home, and it is holy.